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October 16, 2019

Missing a Loved One

by Christine


Death, a very real part of life, yet it hurts beyond measure to lose a loved one.

I’m fortunate that I still have my immediate family, yes I have lost grandparents, uncles and aunts, several close friends, and my first husband.

Yes, the loss of each hurts, some way more than others; and often terribly bad when you least expect it.

I often find myself talking to the person, yes I know they are not physically here, but well, I find it comforting.

Our children’s Daddy, my first husband passed away last April; and this past Friday was his birthday.

My heart broke for our two kids, especially our daughter, and his parents and brother.

I even hurt, didn’t expect it to be so bad, I pulled out the high school annual and tried to read it, all five pages he wrote me way back then.

But between the already blurred vision and the tears, it was near impossible; but I still remember what it says from when he did write it. so many years ago.

No, our marriage didn’t last, it ended in divorce over twenty years ago.  But his death still hurts ever so badly.

We both moved on, today I’m very happily married to a wonderful man that I love dearly. 

But I  just didn’t expect all those emotions last April or this past Friday, but emotions are odd like that sometimes.

I don’t think a piece of paper stops the love you share with someone for fifteen years, it just doesn’t.

My heart really hurts for people when they lose a loved one.  

There seem to be so many widowed women at our Church, and I admire their strength but hurt for them as well.

I hurt for my grown children and our grandchildren for their loss of a Daddy and Pappaw.

I still hurt for my husband that has lost a brother, sister, nephew, niece, Dad and several uncles all within just the past few years.

His Dad was really the hardest I think for me, he was the first person I had ever seen pass.  

My husband had to leave the room, so I sat and rubbed his forehead, told him how much everybody loved him.

I prayed with him, and then I told him, Tommy honey we all love you enough to let you say goodbye and go home, instead of suffering the way you do.

While he was sick the month prior to his death, he enjoyed having Jeff and I there with him.

It was a very hard, heartbreaking time, but he needed us and we were there to help any way we could.

Then one day a song popped in my heart, I knew it was God that put it there, and as I began to hum it, Tommy looked so peaceful, even smiled a bit.

He loved me singing that song to him.  I know it was from the Lord.

And on that Palm Sunday morning, sitting in that hospital room, after I told him we all loved him enough to let him go, I sat holding his hand and sang it to him.  

Precious Lord take my hand, lead me on, help me stand, Lord I’m tired, Lord I’m weak, Lord I’m worn.  Through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the light.  Take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home.

And as I sang that song, I could see him slipping away, laboring for breath, the nurse came in, and within a minute, he was gone.  Just as I finished the chorus of that song.   

Take my hand, Precious Lord, lead me home. 

It was heartbreaking and peaceful all at the same time.

I pray for all of us that have lost loved ones, that are in the midst of losing a loved one right now, that we will all be surrounded by God’s unfailing love and comfort. 

He alone can provide the strength and the peace to make it through.

I pray that each of us can slowly start to heal, just a little bit more each day, and at last smile again.

To focus on all the good times, we shared with our loved ones, their smile, their laugh, their beautiful eyes and sense of humor.  The joy they brought to many, the love that they shared with their family and friends.

Don’t ever think death is the end, for it is not.

We will all see our loved ones again someday.

Yes, it hurts to let them go, and sometimes especially when it is sudden and unexpected.

And there isn’t anything that anybody can say or do to help take the pain away or lessen the hurt.

But eventually life does go on, little by little, a smile will creep in, the sunrise will catch your eye, a child’s laughter.

Life does go on, no, its never going to be the same as when they were here with us. 

But our loved ones would want us to go on with our lives, to live, and to enjoy the great times that we shared with them; and share those memories with others. 

Today, tomorrow and always!!!!

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